Of Attachments, and Distances

on Friday, October 30, 2009

A tear in her eye,

A knot in my heart,
A smile on her face,
And good times start....

Romanticizing females...yes...thats exactly what the new season has brought for me. I dunno how long back was it when I discovered, that it is so easy to crazily fall in love with girls, despite having an "I am straight" tag firmly affixed on your persona.

When I walk down the San Jose Marg every morning to reach my college, the cold winds that prick my cheeks, almost as well make me smile, for it is at that time that I discover I so much covet the very warm hugs my girl friends gift to me every time I meet them. Yeah! "Girlfriends"- It is perhaps the most common term that you'll come across in JMC premises, when two females wanna assert the level of closeness and attachment that exists betwixt them. A very recent phenomenon is the emergence of 'boyfriends' in our all girls campus. Bored with the feminine omnipresence, the relative tomboyish girls take the onus on themselves to provide a break from the boredom.

Blessed am I, for I can boast of two really close girlfriends, one of whom has recently converted into a boyfriend, who make me look forward to college with more eagerness than ever, every single day. A single flash of their smiles in my head, and I sense all my pains vanishing. Their "I Love You's", even though spared on me in profusion, still cherished every single time they are uttered. The characteristic gleam in their eyes, which totally enamours me. Their simple mannerisms, and down to earth demeanor, never allows them to get distanced from me. And finally, the warmth in their words, and gestures towards me, makes me forget all else, and repetitively fall in love with them.

Talking like a besotted lover? Well, I definitely am one.

This two girls whom I refer to, are veritably tagged as "College Sweethearts", and that is perhaps the only woe that stems in my life because of them. I am so crazy about these females, that there come points of time, when my life gets pivoted around them. No, not just points of time, now it has been consistent, that a primary objective for me has been to make sure that I am available for these girls everytime they need me, no matter what. And know what, I am proud of the success I have tasted in almost always being there. I remember having once told one of them, that is safer that I mark my presence at a safe distance in both of your lifes. The reason of it I'll try explaining here.

We all, all who can define their character, have a primary desire in life, something that they constantly keep moving towards, unaware, unconsciously. This is not a mere desire, but a way we expect our life to run in. For a long time, I have known what I covet each moment I live, something that I know I would never get tired of. It is closeness, attachment, human touch, emotions, expressions.......and every related term you can think of. "Friend" has perhaps been the most valuable word for me ever in life, and I have cherished, and respected, and loved all my friends, with all my heart. Anyone who's close to me has seen me just completely going nuts, may be to satiate a trivial desire of any of my friends. Really, it is crazy the amount I get attached, and love.

However, I must warn, it is perhaps the most dangerous way of living. I have experienced it. Living like this has made me undergo hurts that no one can account for, till the time i got mature, and decided for myself, for my own benefit, that I must alter myself a little. I knew I cant live without loving people who mean a lot to me. I had to teach myself to live without expectations of reciprocations. If today I am sane, and filled with equanimity, to a very large extent it is because of this moderation I made in myself some time back.

No offences, life has blessed me with the most amazing friends anyone can ask for, and my two girlfriends are the most conspicuous in my life as of now. So to say, I know for many years to come, I'll be giving in a lot to maintain my relationship with them, and will remember all the sweet and sour times I have spent with them. In fact, these are two people, who make me feel as if I am the luckiest girl in JMC, that I have both of them on my either side. As an afterthought, I would like you both to know, that I know I am really, really lucky, and you both really, really amazing, that the two of you make me bow down to you, and give you all I can. I can't say much. I know I can't. The easiest thing I can say is, "I LOVE YOU BOTH A HELL LOT"...and if I am typing it with my vision blurred due to the tiny droplets forming in my eyes...you know I can't be lying. I just love you both a lot....a lot.

"And the days went by like paper in the wind. Everything changed, then changed again. It's hard to find a friend. It's hard to find a friend."

(The two females I refer to are the famous Pallak, aka "JAGGA", and Akanksha, aka "KAPOOR". I intended on writing something vastly different, but I got senti, and this is what I could manage. I love you both)